This is the No. 1 way to raise kids with a ‘really healthy resilience,' pediatrician says

Parenting styles are a divisive topic. There is endless discussion among parents — and researchers — about which mix of empathy and structure kids need to grow into well-adjusted adults. Is gentle parenting the way to go? What about authoritative? And remember, authoritative is not authoritarian.

Recently, experts have been praising a new approach that they say is the perfect equilibrium of freedom and rigidity: lighthouse parenting.

This is an authoritative style of child-rearing that calls for both rules and warmth. It can be thought of as a middle ground between helicopter and gentle parenting.

Parents who follow this style "set boundaries but also offer support," says Dr. Mona Amin, a pediatrician based in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

"Lighthouse parenting balances protection but fosters a really healthy resilience and autonomy in kids," she says. "This is the one style which perfectly aligns with how I approach parenting. You're allowing a child to show what they can do before intervening."

'The very best protection is preparation'

In an attempt to shield their children from emotional or physical harm, some parents limit what their kids experience, says Dr. Ken Ginsburg, a professor of pediatrics at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia.

Often called "helicopter parenting," this method can stunt growth.

"The very best protection is preparation," Ginsburg says. "One of the ways you prepare your child for difficulty is to let them occasionally fall and get back up."

Unlike a helicopter parent, a lighthouse parent allows their kids to make decisions and learn to deal with the consequences of their choices.

"If you have a three-year-old you don't let them put their hand on the stove, but you do let them knock over the cookie jar because they learn how to clean it up," Ginsburg says.

'I can't imagine that's unproductive for anybody'

Lighthouse parents acknowledge their kid's emotions and don't shame them for being disappointed. They also might not spend as much time co-regulating as a gentle parent would, Amin says.

"In gentle parenting there would be more collaboration and validation," she says. "You're focusing on empathy."

Under the gentle parenting model, a meltdown in the grocery store, for example, would call for more attention to a child's feelings. You would work through why they are upset and you might even physically sit down with them to help calm their nerves, Amin says.

"With a lighthouse parent you're going to get the validation of your feelings, but you're also going to get the, 'OK we are going to have to move along now,'" she says. "If the kid is still crying, maybe you don't take the time to sit there."

You're allowing your child to make mistakes and cope with unpleasant experiences, all while showing them that you're available and eager to offer guidance.

For the most part, Ginsburg says, there is no child that this parenting style wouldn't benefit: "Having your kid know you love them, know you guide them, and know that you're not going anywhere — I can't imagine that's unproductive for anybody."

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