To truly live a purposeful and meaningful life, we might need to make some adjustments to our network of friends and colleagues. We need to ask ourselves: Do we have the right people on our personal team to help us realize our goals, aspirations, and intentions?

Now, I'm not talking about help in terms of having someone in our network who can introduce us to someone who might offer us our next job. These relationships, while incredibly useful, can quickly become transactional. 

I'm also not talking strictly about promoters who will sing our praises when we've reached a high point; they're wonderful, but we need other help along the way. 

We need the cheerleaders, advisors, and collaborators who are right there with us in the trenches of making or trying something new. Their help takes a different form: They may offer emotional support, creative thinking, or even life experience. 

I call them "gems."

'They can be equal parts role model, mentor, therapist, coach, and co-conspirator'

Gems are those people in our lives who help us feel our best. They're thoughtful, energizing peers and friends who accept us, recognize our talents, and encourage us to go after what we want. They believe in our abilities and cheer us on when we experience self-doubt. 

They're honest with us when our behaviors aren't in line with our values or when our skills and talents need honing. They act as sounding boards, offer advice, and challenge our ideas when needed.

They bring levity when we're discouraged, provide inspiration and motivation when we feel stuck, and take our ideas and feelings seriously when we're too afraid to. 

They can be equal parts role model, mentor, therapist, coach, and co-conspirator in creative endeavors. And they don't necessarily need business degrees or a high net worth to be valuable partners in life.

Of the people you spend most time with, who stands out?

Make a list of the five people you spend most of your time with on a daily basis, physically or virtually. Be sure to write down who you're actually spending your time with — not who you aspire to spend your time with.

Mark a "G" next to your gems. How many gems are in your top five? Don't be alarmed if this number is smaller than you'd like it to be. It's not how many gems you have but how often you share moments with them that matters most. 

Make a separate list for the gems in your life who aren't in your top-five list. Next to each name, write down one or two words that describe what you appreciate about them.

This isn't only a lovely exercise in gratitude — you can share those words with these gems and thank them! — but also a way to discover or remind yourself of the qualities, traits, and values you admire most.

How to surround yourself with the right people

For various reasons — life circumstances, job, geography, and more — many of us will notice a gap between who we want to spend our time with and with whom we actually surround ourselves. 

Some of that will be out of our control — our gems may be in high demand and may not have as much time for us as we'd like. But some circumstances are within our control — perhaps we are the unavailable ones. Without blaming ourselves or others for any imbalance, it's useful to see where there is misalignment.

Returning to your top five people and gems lists, reflect on the following:

1. Who would you like to spend more time with? Put a small plus sign next to their names.
2. Spend less time with? Put a small minus sign there. For example, perhaps a particular friend brings out the snark or gossip in you.
3. Whose company is just right? Add a checkmark.
4. Who do you need to reconnect with? Make a new list if needed.

Consider whether you're in good company for reaching your goals and living out your core values. Knowing where you stand today can be a helpful start to getting to where you want to go.

If you're not happy with your list, what's getting in the way of spending time with the people you love and admire most? How might you connect with them more often and move them up on the ladder to your top five?

You don't have to upend your entire social circle or friend group (unless you want to). This exercise is simply about being more aware of who you spend your time with and whether or not they are helping your cause — not just in terms of tangible advice, money, or skills but also with respect to emotional support, curiosity, and creative thinking. 

Let this be a gentle reminder to reach out more often. Don't wait until they reach out to you or worry you'll seem overeager. Instead, take steps to create more moments of connection — in person, over the phone, or even online — with these very important people in your life.

Ximena Vengoechea is a user researcher, writer, and illustrator, and the creator of The Life Audit. She is the author of several nonfiction books and journals, including the new book, "The Life Audit: A Step-By-Step Guide to Discovering Your Goals and Building the Life You Want" and companion "The Life Audit Journal." Her writing has appeared in Inc., The Washington Post, Newsweek, Forbes, and Fast Company, among others. She also writes Letters from Ximena, a newsletter about staying curious, getting creative, and living well.

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Excerpt adapted from "The Life Audit: A Step-by-Step Guide to Discovering Your Goals and Building the Life You Want″ by Ximena Vengoechea. Copyright © 2024. Reprinted with permission of Chronicle Books. All rights reserved.