In his upcoming book "Inspire: The Universal Path for Leading Yourself and Others," sociologist and Columbia Business School professor Adam Galinsky wants to help minimize the harm we often do to one another with seemingly innocuous comments.

One of Galinsky's focuses is what parents should and shouldn't say to raise successful, well-adjusted kids.

In an interview with CNBC Make It, he identified one frequently used remark that has an outsized effect on a child's confidence.

"One phrase that I think we try to use in a motivational way but we don't realize how damaging it is for kids is 'I'm disappointed in you,'" he says.

Parents usually deploy it when they want to correct a behavior, but saying it can actually cause the opposite to happen.

This is because it instills kids with a sense of shame, and shame is not a productive emotion, Galinsky says: "If we make our kids feel shame, that's never a good thing."

'Shame leads to avoidance'

Shame doesn't encourage critical thinking or problem solving. It's "debilitating and destabilizing," Galinsky says. Guilt, on the other had, can motivate kids to find a solution.

"Guilt leads to repair, but shame often leads to avoidance," he says.

If you want your kids to learn from their mistakes, don't just tell them that what they've done is wrong. Ask them how they can do a better job in the future.

"Instead of saying 'I'm disappointed that you didn't do your homework,' you can say, 'How can we set up a system where you get your homework done? Let's think of a plan for doing that,'" Galinsky says.

This teaches kids that they can tackle challenges, even if they don't get it right the first or second time.

Want to make extra money outside of your day job? Sign up for CNBC's online course How to Earn Passive Income Online to learn about common passive income streams, tips to get started and real-life success stories.

Plus, sign up for CNBC Make It's newsletter to get tips and tricks for success at work, with money and in life.