Ethan Slater's ex Lilly Jay addresses ‘unfairness' of public divorce

Originally appeared on E! Online

Lilly Jay’s life was thrust into the spotlight amid her split from Ethan Slater.

In a personal essay, the clinical psychologist got candid about the ways in which her divorce from the Wicked actor — with whom she shares a 2-year-old son — affected her personal life and career as her former partner moved on with Ariana Grande, though Jay doesn’t name either by name.

“It’s hard to measure an absence, and I can’t say for sure how much my career has been impacted by what’s out there online,” she wrote in her essay for The Cut, published Dec. 19. “But there have been hints along the way, like the job offer that dissolved without explanation after yet another tabloid news cycle or the patient who’s scheduled for a first appointment but seemingly vanishes.”

She added, “On my darker days, I railed against the unfairness of a public divorce, asking my therapist, ‘Who would trust a cardiologist who had a heart attack because they never got an EKG?’”

Jay — who had been with Slater since high school — also spoke to how she and her former partner had decided to navigate his rising star against her preference for anonymity as a psychologist.

READ Ethan Slater's Estranged Wife Lilly Jay Slams "Not a Girl's Girl" Ariana Grande

“My partner was on a different path, in which social media and exposure were not impediments but rather necessities,” she wrote. “We puzzled through this predicament on walks, over pizza, in our apartment and excitedly concocted rules of engagement of how and what he would share about our lives together. It was a tenuous balance — my profession, which requires privacy, and his, which is measured in applause — but it worked well while life was unfolding according to our plans.”

Yet, Jay also spoke to the ways in which her plans did not turn out as she’d expected, including finalizing her divorce with her high school sweetheart in September, two years after welcoming their son in Aug. 2022.

“During my pregnancy, I had never felt happier nor more aware of how precarious happiness could be,” she wrote, adding of welcoming her son, “I survived preeclampsia, a life-threatening birth complication, and finally, our family was whole. Mine is a story of worrying in the wrong direction.”

While noting her knowledge as a psychologist of how challenging the postpartum period can be on a marriage, she continued, “But I confidently moved to another country with my 2-month-old baby and my husband to support his career. Consumed by the magic and mundanity of new motherhood, I didn’t understand the growing distance between us.”

Now, Jay noted how she’s looking to the future amid the public scrutiny on her life.

“I work diligently on my private project of accepting the sudden public downfall of my marriage,” she added. “This, I tell myself, is nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to hide. Slowly but surely, I have come to believe that in the absence of the life I planned with my high-school sweetheart, a lifetime of sweetness is waiting for me and my child.”

She also spoke to her current dynamic with Slater. “While our partnership has changed, our parenthood has not,” she noted. “Both of us fiercely love our son 100 percent of the time, regardless of how our parenting time is divided.”

For his part, Slater has previously spoken to the public backlash his and Grande's relationship garnered amid rumors of infidelity.

“I think there was something that was really difficult about things in your private life being commented on and looked at by the public,” he told GQ in October. “There were a lot of big changes in private lives that were really happening, so it’s really hard to see people who don’t know anything about what’s happening commenting on it.”

Meanwhile Grande has steadfastly supported her partner’s character.

“There couldn’t be a less accurate depiction of a human being than the one that the tabloids spread about him,” she told Vanity Fair in November. “No one on this earth tries harder or spreads themselves thinner to be there for the people that he loves and cares about.”